Introducing Wet Pancake

Thursday, June 28, 2018 | NuGet

Are you the type of person who hates work? Are you someone who resents the fact you're born into a system not of your choosing? Are your teachers lazy, dismissive and not interested in your education? We're looking at you Mr Heath...Well then, you need Wet Pancake [1]: Software for students with a deadline. It's actually for anyone. But, the rest of this explains what it is through a loose student-based narrative. Just humour me and play along...

Imagine you're at home and finishing off your English essay for Mr Dillbank. He's been drunk and struggling to string a sentence together since 2014. But, we're not supposed to talk about that. Anyway, he never used to be like this. He only started hitting the bottle because of his wife, "Maureen". She left him for Derek, The Head of Music at Barnworth High. The strange thing about it all is he isn't even good looking. He looks like an orange balloon with pigeon droppings for a moustache. Who, in the history of mankind thought that was a good look? No one! That's who! Screw you Derek! You're fooling no one with that rug on your head.

...

Sorry... I got a little side-tracked there. I, also, came across like I'm actually Mr Dillbank which isn't true, obviously. How could I? I'm writing gorgeous prose with an elegance equal to Her Majesty the Queen. So, it couldn't possibly be him. Oh, I'm, also, not his son (just in case you know of him). It would be unbecoming of Mr Dillbank Jr to talk about his crack whore mother in such a fashion. It's most definitely is not him, either. In actual fact, I'm his friend... yes... erm, yes I'm his friend. Moving on...

So, you're finishing you're essay and you realise your word count is lower than the expected amount. This is infuriating because you're supposed to be playing football in twenty minutes. You don't have enough time to add two-hundred words and be ready in time for it. So, what do you do? You use Wet Pancake, of course, and, with a few clicks, you're ready for football with time to spare.

Because you're still new to GitHub and opensource software, you haven't tried to extend it yet. You've managed to build the repository and load up the console program, though. So, you kick that off, feeding in the work you've done so far as a reference. After a few hundred milliseconds, a random bunch of sentences emerge. You notice they don't look out of place because you used your work as the reference. This is crucial because it still needs to pass the mum-check. Obviously, she regrets having you. But, she is fed-up with the school calling her to talk about "your progress". So, she glances over your work these days to avoid it. I must stress the word "glance". On top of that, Mr Dillbank hasn't seen straight for years. So, as long as the word count is right he doesn't care. What this means is everyone thinks you've done your homework and you get to play football. Everyone is a winner here apart from you in the long term but that's ok. It's not ok but it feels ok and that’s what counts here and every other time...

Wet Pancake screenshot 1
Screenshot 1: The generated text used one of the built-in .txt files.

So, you're sold. You're in and wanting to know more. How does it work? Is it just a console program? Where can you find it on GitHub? These are all good questions and I'm glad you asked. First of all, it uses the latest in space-age technology and the Markov Chain [2]. What you do is specify a gibberish level and the number of sentences you want it to produce. After that, you just wait for the results. On top of that, you can either pass in your own plain-text (.txt) file if you don't want to use any of the built-in .txt files. Just to be clear, these files are the reference texts used to produce the final outcome. This is why the results are not utter random gibberish. The answer to the next question is no, which leads onto the next question. The repository hosts the Wet Pancake library, console program and its test centre. The library is capable of becoming a NuGet package which is the main goal. So, when it's ready, expect an announcement stating its release.

Thank you for spending some of your life points on reading this. I understand you'll be dead when you have none left so I know how valuable they are. If all has gone well, Wet Pancake is something you can use. If not, I hope you find happiness if you haven't found it already. I believe in you even if everyone thinks you're stupid, useless and afraid of the dark.

Relevant Links

  1. GitHub Repo.
  2. Markov Chain Wikipedia article
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